their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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