you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
