he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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