Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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