where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
