who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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