I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
