I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You need a sexual gate keeper
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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