I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
