Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize