Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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