just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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