it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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