I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
