better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
