Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
