I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
