he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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