I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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