Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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