I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize