You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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