Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
