i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I love you.
Bad choice
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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