You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Randomize
