went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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