In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
