Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
