Are we in a gay sports bar?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
