WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
