Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
