I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
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