He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize