i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
