hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
