she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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