Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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