I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Your cock deserves a montage
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
as a side note pls kill me
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
