I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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