Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If I die, sorry about rent.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
