me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
there was a trapeze. enough said
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
