Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
