please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
