Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
