I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize