Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It's shark week go big or go home
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
