So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
