I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
