idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
