The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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