Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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