my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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