i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
