i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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