Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
