went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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