Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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