Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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