Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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