I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Alive.
So much puke
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
