I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize