And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
