My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
