just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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