you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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