ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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