I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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