He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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