Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Randomize
