i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
