in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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