Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
