I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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