I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
