i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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