no one should ever give us hovercrafts
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
