Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
