woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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