i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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