Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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