you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
