you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
