So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
