I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
