I like my sex mixed with concussions.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She's the barista slut.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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