Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
