thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
