Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
