The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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