I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
