Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you win again, gameday.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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