You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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