Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
