ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
