So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He kissed a someone with a penis
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize