he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
