I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
