found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize