genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
