I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i just sent this text using only my big toe
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
