You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
