I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
