the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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