Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
