After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
