i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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