I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
