i was rollin on her like bob the builder
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
