she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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