i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
